The Choices We Make

As parents, the choices we make seem to be criticized quickly and often.  Lately, it seems that the decisions we make as moms are front and center every time I turn around.  All of my parenting magazines, as well as national newspapers and magazines seem to have front cover articles about the choices parents make.  Topics range from stay-at-home vs. working parents, co-sleeping and schooling to diapers, discipline and diet.  For the record, Luke and I don't believe in co-sleeping, are strong supporters of preschool and public school, use cloth diapers, believe in time outs and other boundaries, believe in breastfeeding (when possible) and sometimes force bribe our kids to eat their chicken and veggies.

Before Avery and Logan were born, I rarely worried about the right answers to parenting.  I knew Luke and I would make mistakes as parents, but I was confident we would figure it out with little to no drama.  After almost three years as a parent, I now know that there are very few "right" answers when it comes to parenting.  Parents tend to adjust their parenting styles to what works for them and their families.

Lately, my friends and I have spent a lot of time talking about the decision to work or stay at home.  I feel blessed to have friends with various parenting perspectives and work situations and I enjoy learning from each one of them.  Other than my co-workers, I am one of the few moms I know who works full-time outside the home.  I rarely think twice about my decision.  Truthfully, I am amazed by my stay-at-home mom friends.  I think they are all incredible people and I honestly don't know how they do it.

Growing up, I always knew I wanted to have kids AND a career.  Although I was going to have four or five or SIX kids and be a doctor or a dentist, one thing that stayed constant was my decision to work outside of the home.  I clearly remember being pregnant with Avery when a friend casually said, "You plan on staying home once your baby is born, right?" As innocent as that question may have been, it offended me a bit. At the time, I was ashamed that I actually WANTED to go back to work. I mean, moms should want to spend every waking second with their children, right?  Not this mom. 

Sadly, as parents, we tend to judge each other much more than we should. I will admit that I used to be very guilty of the mom judging. (You let your kid eat fast food? Terrible. Your kids sometimes sleep in bed with you. Are you kidding me? TV? Never.) After we welcomed Logan into the world, almost all judging went out the window.  I like to say that I have become more tolerant, but Luke likes to say I have become more liberal. I now understand that no parent is perfect. We all try to be the best parents possible, but sometimes just have to survive.

There is no doubt that I love spending time with Avery and Logan; being with them is the best part of my day.  I just don't want them to be my whole day.  Is this selfish?  Maybe.  Since the time Luke and I have with our kids is somewhat limited, we make a conscious effort to be sure our time is quality time by planning outings and activities, putting our phones and computers away and giving excessive amounts of hugs, kisses and cuddles.  This may not be the right answer for every family, but it works for ours.

Since I work outside of the home and Luke travels a lot, my "Ashley" time is very limited, but I rarely complain.  Typically, the only time I have to myself is during my once-monthly book club meeting, a solo grocery store visit or a quick run.  Do I sometimes get worn out?  Absolutely.  Do I regret my choices?  Never.  I love my life, my job and my family.  Right now, I have everything I ever wanted.

So, what was the point of this rambling?  Friends, please stop judging each other.  As moms, we are often each others toughest critics when we should be one another's strongest supporters.  I get tired of hearing snide comments that moms make to each other or about each other.  No parent is perfect, no family is perfect and no kid is perfect.